Wednesday, November 19, 2014

11/19/2014

"Grief is forever. It doesn't go away; it becomes a part of you, step for step, breath for breath...  Grief and love are conjoined, you don't get one without the other." -  Jandy Nelson, The Sky is Everywhere 

I put off writing this letter this year. I've been busy, which would be a good thing, if I was busy with creative projects or a hobby I loved. But I think you might know that's not the case. So I'm writing it now, on a cold, cloudy day. The kind that reminds me of the day we found out you were never coming home. Don't worry, I'll get through it, because you taught me I can get through anything.

The good news is, the memory of this day didn't dog me through the last year. Eleven years didn't carry the solid throb of grief the way 10 did. It wasn't an every day, all the time sadness. It hurts. It won't ever stop hurting--in fact, it's sort of killing me right now, but I'm up, I'm breathing, I have plans for the future and if I've learned anything in the last 11 years, it's that if I don't feel like smiling, I can fake the hell out of it.

Grief is a funny thing. Some days I only think, God, I miss him, and I imagine your smile. But there are days like yesterday when it was getting dark and I heard a bunch of geese honking. I thought, Geese. There were so many geese that year. And that's the last time I saw you, looking at all those geese flying overhead. And I kind of hate them. I don't think much about them when I see them gathered around ponds or at the lake, but when I hear a flock of them, it takes me right back. That hurts. The realization that November 13, 2003 was the last time I heard your voice jolted me pretty hard this year too. If I could go back in time, I'd keep you on the phone forever.

The best part of this year is that the anger is finally loosening its hold. Grief's stupid stages don't have to make sense. They're just a jumble of bad feelings that come and go without any kind of order. They can leave me devastated or really pissed off or simply unable to care. I know, you hated the pyschobabble. I think it's kind of interesting. I just wish there was a time when there really was a stage where you wake up one morning and grief is no longer there. That's it, the end, happy now. To just be thankful that I had such a good dad when other people had lousy ones or none at all. Mostly, I'm not mad that you died. Not mad that you did it so far away. It wasn't like you died on purpose. It was bad luck, bad timing, a quirk in the universe that very obviously doesn't care if I think life's fair or not.

I think about the good things. Things you taught me and moments we shared. Now they're enough to tell the anger to take a flying leap. There's so, so much good to remember. I think about you almost every time I fold socks. I still can't believe I let you let me win that game of who could fold the most pairs. How dumb am I? I'm laughing right now, but it hurts a lot. And you would laugh too if you were right here.

The anger might be gone, but hope never dies. It never floats away, it never abandons me. In all things, I hope. If it's for a good afterlife where I get to see you again. If it's for a sign from you that a rough patch is going to be smoothed over. I hope and I won't stop. And I believe you know all the heartbreak we've felt since you left and that you'd have done anything in your power to make it not hurt so bad, but it was never your power to lift that burden. From grief comes strength you can't teach, it has to be experienced, because life isn't fair. It hurts, but it's not a deadly hurt and that's a little victory. I can still laugh and I know that would make you happy.

Sorry for the pyschobabble. What a terrible gift. I should've got you a card with a fart joke in it instead. Maybe next year.

There might be words to express how grateful I am to be your daughter, but I can't find them, not in strong enough words to tell you how lucky that makes me. Thank you for doing your best and loving me. I only wish I'd thought to tell you years ago. I love you.

I miss you like crazy.

Happy birthday, Daddy
Robert L. Cox
11/19/53 - 11/15/03

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Tuesday Teasers, Because I'm Frozen

Brrr. It is so cold today! My hands are like icicles. How can I be expected to work in these conditions? I don't know.

One thing I do know is: Celia and Turner don't have any trouble keeping warm while they're playing in the snow. 


Get it at:
Amazon || ARe || Bookstrand ||Smashwords || Kobo

Monday, November 17, 2014

Winter Woes, NaNo Blows (Up)

Good morning! Did y'all get that snow? We got some ice-like pellets in addition. Made for tons of fun clearing off the windshield. Not enough snow to justify staying home on this very cold morning. 
There were a lot of these. Ugh.
Photo by: wind27gis

Suddenly I feel like I'm writing an article for the local paper, you know, one of those weird gossip columns. Let's get away from the weather. Although I would like to declare that I find the weather ridiculous for the middle of November. What madness is this?

I didn't get a lot of writing done this weekend. My NaNo train has totally derailed after some serious issues in which the engine didn't want to start anyhow. I did a little work on Tell, but mostly I was reading the galley for the print version of Wystan, which is supposed to come out in October next year.

I also spent a great deal of time entertaining the PeeWee Monster, who was very rowdy this weekend. We spent the night with my mom Saturday and watched a lot of My Big Fat American Gypsy Wedding yesterday. I'm extremely weirded out by that show. When I got the PeeWee Monster home, he immediately went to bed and slept soundly all night. I hate to admit it, but I think he's turning into a little old man. He always sleeps in bed with us, but lately he's taken to jumping down and getting into the laundry. Makes me think the mattress hurts some part of him (I know the damn thing kills my hip). I'm going to end up buying him a dog bed way nicer than our mattress. My heart breaks into a million pieces every time I think about him getting old. He's the baby one and I want him to live forever.

Besides the minuscule amount of work I did on Tell, I also attempted to finish a chapter on my next Viking romance. It's not finished. I did good effort though. It's about 3000 words long now. Nice try.

The weather (yeah, back to that) is supposed to warm up a bit this week. If you can really call upper 40's warm. Ugh, you mean there are five more months of this nonsense? Some days I'm still tempted to run away to Mexico. I just want to be warm.

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

NaNo Updates and Writings of the Future

NaNoWriMo is kicking my tail. I'm trying, great googly-moogly, I'm trying, but I am so far behind, I will never die.

I just hit 12k on Tell last night. Which for someone who isn't trying very hard is really impressive because I was just at 2k when November 1st rolled around. Yes, Tell is still setting things on fire and borderline evil, but Sylvie's going to save the day by doing something crazy. Yay, plot!

In other news, Her Heart's Surrender is with my historical critique group where they will pull it apart and go, what is this? And I will probably be reduced to a shivering pile of dear lord, what is it?! Because I'm like that.

But I'm definitely tinkering with another Viking romance, oh yes I am. And I'm further plotting in my head another contemporary novella. I gots to get on that soon. It looks like the rest of this month, December, and January are going to be very book oriented. At the very least, I want to get the majority of Tell written, because I have to have to have to get the contemporary novella done...for some reasons.

Writing is good. Mostly. Forward!

Monday, November 10, 2014

Double Cover Reveal - Juliette Cross

DOUBLE COVER REVEAL FOR JULIETTE CROSS

SEALED IN SIN

THE VESSEL TRILOGY, BOOK 2

GENRE: URBAN FANTASY/PARANORMAL ROMANCE

PUBLISHER: SAMHAIN PUBLISHING

RELEASE DATE: APRIL 21, 2015

Sin can look an awful lot like heaven.

One demon prince may be festering in the bowels of the soul eater Cocytus, but Genevieve’s troubles are far from over. Prince Bamal, demon lord of New York City, still wants her. But this time, he wants her alive, to control her inherent power as a Vessel of Light.

With Jude Delacroix off searching for the prophecy, Thomas—a guardian angel with sea-green eyes and an aura of winter woods—steps into the gap, offering her the power to protect herself.

Yet she hesitates, for the transfer of that power comes through a kiss. While Gen’s love for Jude is true,

Thomas stirs a desire where there should be none. Thomas also knows Jude’s darkest secret and plans to use it, if necessary, to win Gen for his own.

While her Vessel power grows and more demon spawn creep from every dark corner of the world, one thing is certain—the Great War between the angels and demons is quickly approaching. And Gen is in a race against time to awaken her full power before the storm breaks.

Warning: Contains a demon hunter with dark secrets, a sexy angel with ulterior motives, and demonic creatures running amok.

SIS ON GOODREADS


BOUND IN BLACK

THE VESSEL TRILOGY, BOOK 3

GENRE: URBAN FANTASY/PARANORMAL ROMANCE

PUBLISHER: SAMHAIN PUBLISHING

RELEASE DATE: JULY 21, 2015

In the belly of the beast, strategy is useless.

Genevieve Drake is on a dangerous mission to find the soul collector, Lethe, and enter the deepest, darkest level of the underworld. No one has ever returned alive from the belly of a soul collector, but she will let nothing stop her from going after the precious treasure Lethe stole from her.

As she is tested against demon spawn and foul creatures of the underworld, each triumph strengthens her Vessel power—and drags her closer to a breaking point that could forever doom her to the abyss.

Meanwhile, with the full prophecy hurtling toward completion, the Dominus Daemonum strategize for the day Gen will battle Prince Bamal’s Vessel to the death, when the Great War between heaven and hell will begin.

But Bamal has a secret weapon. When he reveals it—and Thomas reveals his own hidden agenda—Gen may not have the strength to resist the temptation to fall into darkness, forsaking the fate of the world for her broken heart.

Warning: Contains malicious demons, sinister spawn, and a vengeful heroine with plans to send them all back to burning hell.

BIB ON GOODREADS

AUTHOR BIO— Juliette calls lush, moss-laden Louisiana home where the landscape curls into her imagination, creating mystical settings for her stories. She has a B.A. in creative writing from Louisiana State University, a M.Ed. in gifted education, and was privileged to study under the award-winning author Ernest J. Gaines in grad school. Her love of mythology, legends, and art serve as constant inspiration for her works. From the moment she read JANE EYRE as a teenager, she fell in love with the Gothic romance—brooding characters, mysterious settings, persevering heroines, and dark, sexy heroes. Even then, she not only longed to read more novels set in Gothic worlds, she wanted to create her own.

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