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Rejection Letters

Dear Editor,
Thank you for your letter of November 8th. After careful consideration, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me a publishing contract with your company.
This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals.
Despite your outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at this time. Therefore, I will assume the position of published author with your company at this time. I look forward to seeing my novel in print.
Best of luck in rejecting future applicants.