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Stuff I Find While I'm Walking - Be Afraid, Be Very Afraid

Welcome to November. This month brought some rain and cold with it, not to mention that dratted time change, which makes walking after work an impossibility. Walking before work you say? Ha ha. No. For starters, it's cold and for seconders, it's cold out there. Did I mention it's cold? What am I, an Eskimo? I think not. So I slapped cold in the face and went indoors to find you some awesome pics that we should actually call 'Holy crap, those photos are like nightmares come true'. Okay, one of them was taken outdoors when I went walking yesterday and I brave treacherous rocks and snake pits to get it. You'll see it in a minute.

I want to start off with this one because it is utterly terrifying. Yes, that is a ventriloquist dummy sitting in a chair, patiently waiting for someone to stick his or her hand up its bum so it can possess them for eternity. You think I'm joking, don't you? Well, the risk is yours to take, but when your head is spinning wildly and a dummy is issuing your every order, don't say I didn't warn you. Ugh, it's so eerie, it probably already possessed my phone and it's coming for me next.

Let's move on to something a little more warm and fuzzy. Like an alligator. Yes, that's a real live, honest-to-God breathing, fishing eating, swamp living, scale wearing, rock laying, bite-your-hand-off-if-you-dare-cross-the-wood-and-plexi-glass (are these people insane? Plexi-glass?) barrier alligator. Inside a sporting goods store. I knew that'd get your attention. I have seen hoards of small children freak the hell out when their parents tried to drag them past this display. Most kids throw tantrums when they don't get a new Barbie doll or a Hot Wheels. These kids literally go into flight-or-raise-the-roof mode. This bad boy, named Big Al, is 10 feet long and seemingly very lazy. That's how they get you, you know. One second Al here is cute and cuddly, munching on some perch and the next he's having grown man thigh for dinner. Next horrifying photo, please.

I learned my lesson about touching things that are poisonous when I picked up a bottle of actual arsenic from like, 1943 or something, at a military supply store. It was leaking, for crying out loud. Why are they even selling that? I have no idea. What better way to clean arsenic off your hands than to wash up with some Skat Hand Soap? I think there's a reason they don't make this anymore. The correct spelling is scat (you were thinking it too), but who am I to nitpick?

And I leave you with a picture of some awesome toadstools. But what is so scary about toadstools? *Ahem* Being the adventurous sort that I am, I'm walking along and see a path. Or something that I think is a path. I climb to the top of this path, overlooking the Crane Creek area, a lovely view on a foggy day. Then I see it. This awesome fallen tree with fungi as big or bigger than my hand. And I want a photo. Problem: there are moss-covered large, jagged and small, unstable rocks blocking the way to this tree. I don't care. I'm gonna do it anyway. The angle is a bit sharper in the photo than it actually was. By maybe 10, 15 degrees. I crawl, huff, climb and slide my way over to the tree. Then, when I get this lovely photo of awesome fungus in a line growing up (or perhaps down?) the tree, I decide it would be easier to climb over the tree trunk (which is bigger around than I am and that's saying something) and climb up the rocks rather than go back. Needless to say, I survived, but there could have been snakes out there under the leaf piles and a couple of places I stepped were wobbly at best. Okay, the dummy still wins it as scariest picture here.

Comments

  1. You should've shown the dummy the Skat can to scare him away. Did you ever see those episodes of Two and Half Men when Alan had a dummy? Not funny. Freaky.

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  2. Allison--you are seriously over-the-edge hilarious! Glad you didn't try eating the toadstools or scat--er, I mean, SKAT.

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