Friday, December 30, 2011

If The World Ends 12/21/12, At Least I Can Say I Got Something Done In 2011

Good year, bad year. Good year, bad year. Mediocre year?

In review, here are things I set out to do:

In January, I decided to start editing The Treasure Hunter's Lady. And for some crazy reason, add 30,000 words, which I finished (adding, not editing) around the end of June/beginning of July. Worse still, I decided to pitch to a real-live agent in person. And I sent out maybe a dozen query letters. Of which all were rejected. I was sad a lot during the summer. In fact, I almost broke down crying in an automotive store on  a Friday evening when I received a reject. I soldiered on.

I also entered THL in two contests. I did very poorly in one and got an honorable mention in the other. Up and down. I entered a short story in another contest and scraped by with a second runner up people's choice majigger award because my network is awesome. Thank you, network. Without you-all, I'd be in sorry shape indeed.

Need I mention I kind of felt bad about bugging everyone to vote? I threatened you with monsters that would invade your dreams if you didn't vote for me. I apologize. My mama raised me better.

In October I got the reject from the real-live agent. I cried like someone died and whined a lot. I threatened to self-publish THL and then decided not to. I started editing again, bolstered my spirits with the promise of rewriting SPW during NaNoWriMo and looked into the future. November brought me laughter as I started in with SPW again, even though it was an uphill battle that ended in me falling flat on my face. I didn't manage 50k much less 40k. I signed and terminated a contract for THL, but you know all about that. I whined again when people suggested self-publishing. November was rather depressing on the writing front, even more so than the late summer months. Soldier on.

After a week or so of moping, I got my legs under me again and said, "Hell, I don't have anything to lose." And made up my mind to self-publish. There are three, count 'em three short stories on Amazon, Nook Books and Smashwords under my pen name. It feels good to see them there. They weren't eating anything, of course, but they were hiding in the dark and not doing anyone any good. I got a review from a total stranger on one and she gave it 5 stars on Amazon. It's like winning an Oscar or something, only with less prestige.

To recap the good:
Added 50k to THL
Finally reached 50k on SPW (with 30k to go)
Wrote a 2800k-ish short story (that got an award)
Started a new short story (brain stuck at a little over 3k)
Got an honorable mention for THL
Got a contract to publish THL
Self-published short stories
Made covers for the short stories
Learned oodles about formatting and cover-making

To recap the bad:
Felt sorry for self b/c THL needed so much work
Didn't get to start a new novel
Did poorly in a contest
Lost the contract to publish THL when the publisher closed its doors

At least the good list is longer. The thing to do now is decide what to work on for next year. Obviously I have to finish SPW and start editing it. I have that short story that might be better served as a novella and I have an idea to round off the trio of steampunk romances. Not to mention I keep thinking I really ought to do something with The Convict & the Cattleman because I feel really guilty about writing it and abandoning it. It needs a major overhaul, which is exhausting to think about. I wish I had the ability to write faster and edit better, because in all honesty, my editing skills are sh!tty.

Oh, magic fairy. I need some editing/writing skills bestowed upon me. I don't have a firstborn, would you like something else?

Happy New Year's, kids. Don't drink and drive because it might mess up your ability to read future Have Novel, Will Edit posts and buy my stories for your e-readers. Happy writing and reading, y'all.

P.S. Added 12/30 @ 9:27 - I'm participating in a bloghop with author Carrie Ann Ryan so be sure to come back on Jan 4th for great prizes including a chance to win a Kindle Fire and an $80 Amazon gift card.

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

All I Got For Christmas Was...

A totally awesome e-reader, y'all. Okay, that's not all I got for Christmas because I got a super-cute purse, a sweat shirt and new jeans and an impending trip to Arkansas (that hopefully includes cheese because I want to ring in the New Year by eating fancy cheese. I  cheese). But I'm obsessed with the e-reader, of course. It's a Pandigital novel e-reader with a 7" screen in black. I need to get a cover or skin for it because I've already go fingerprints all over it.

This is how the cover of THL will look on in the gallery. That's not the cover I'm using for the book, but I just wanted to see how it would look. The verdict is in: amazing. Of course.
The photo isn't much to go by. It makes the top of the cover look sepia and the bottom very blue. It's just the angle. I haven't decided whether my hand is large and the reader is small or if that's the camera. Going with the camera.

So far I've downloaded four books to the ereader. I like the weight of it although turning the pages is a bit of a chore. I haven't had any problems with the downloads, but looking at the white page (or I can choose back for nighttime viewing) is kind of boring. I think I'm used to yellowish paper and maybe the texture. I'm having a lot of fun with the stylus too, using it to scratch my face, tease the dog and... um, yeah, scroll along the screen. I'm enjoying it, with only a few minor details that are driving me nuts, but it's soooo cool because it's just like my phone only I don't get calls or take photos, but it's bigger and easier to use than my phone internet. Wow.

Also, I released a novella to Amazon/NOOK Books/Smashwords. One Day In D.C. is a story I started a couple of years ago and wrote all night long. It's about seven thousand words and I'm charging $1.99 for it all over the web. It's a cute story about a one night stand between an earnest secret service agent and a snarky waitress/daycare lady with a happy ending.

You can find it on Amazon, NOOK Books, and Smashwords. At $1.99 because you shouldn't break the bank to get a decent read. Or so says my debit card.

Next time we'll talk about New Year's Eve, okay? Happy writing and reading everyone!

Friday, December 23, 2011

A Different Road Altogether

Doing things I never thought I'd do. I've often avoided writing short stories because I didn't know what to do with them once they were finished. Even after listening to indie authors rave about their self-publishing experiences on Amazon, Nook and elsewhere, I hesitated to join the fun.

There's formatting to consider, editing (which I've been up to my eyeballs in since January), cover images, marketing, on and on. It's whole 'nother barrel of apples compared to trying to make it in the traditional publishing world.

I tentatively stuck my toe in the indie author world by reading Mark Coker's e-book about publishing to Smashwords. I thought, I am tech-challeged, I will never be able to figure this out. But I sat down one evening at home and plunged into his book and I swear, if you plan to self-publish, even if you don't want to put your stuff on Smashwords, read Coker's book. Formatting made easy, even I understood it. Even if you don't want to self-publish at all, read Coker's book. I learned so much. There may come a time when you have an MS you just can't sell and hey, there's the big ol' internet armed with people who have wads of cash and need something for entertainment.

The formatting was super easy. Smashwords takes a while (about a week) to approve your MS for their premium catalog, which distributes it to places likes Sony and Apple and obviously, Amazon and B&N. It takes a while longer for those companies to list you, but in the end it seems easier than trying to figure all that out myself.

Because who has time to figure that out when I have covers to make? Never in a hundred years would I guess I'd be doing this for myself. Being a poor, starving writer, I can't afford to hire someone to do covers for me. Poor, oblivious me, I have no idea how to make a book cover. So I have to learn. I downloaded GIMP because, remember, I'm poor, so I can't buy Photoshop. And I have no idea what was even going on with that program. I fall back to my old standby, Photoscape. Bless you, Photoscape for having buttons that at least give the user the illusion of control.

In a couple of hours, I have two photos that sort of look like book covers and compared to some I've seen that these "artists" are charging $50 and up for, they look downright professional. I will not, however, be quitting my day job to become a graphic designer. I have much to learn.

So I format, I do a cover and I go to upload, only to realize I haven't thought up a blurb. Good going, dingbat. I scramble to think of something intelligent to put in the blurb. There's a very good chance that "intelligent" is too high a compliment for the drivel I typed out. Luckily, it's very easy to change book descriptions in all formats, so when I came up with something less bad, I did that right away.

End result: I accomplished something I didn't attempt for fear of failing miserably. Currently I have made $2.66 in short story sales. So close to wealth and riches... in my dreams. Don't forget to scroll up and purchase your own copies of those stories if you haven't done and check out the new contest page because I still need entries for the copy of RETURN.

Happy holidays and good writing!

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

A Little Bit About RETURN

In an effort to boost my sales, which are quite low on this story, I thought I'd share a little bit about it. Obviously as it's short, this won't take long and might even be harmless.

RETURN is the short story I'm most proud of, so I'll tell you about it today.

I wrote this story in... erm, the late nineties. I could probably hunt up a specific year, but let's go with I was in high school. I was on that western kick, where I couldn't get my hands on enough Louis L'Amour. I watched Silverado about 7 million times and Tombstone about 2 million times. No wonder my VCR is worn out. It was western, western, western on top of historical romance, historical romance, historical romance.

One day my English teacher announces that we're hosting the Mark Twain Conference Creative Writing Contest. I was super-thrilled because I loved to write. I entered every category except unrhymed poetry because I didn't write poetry that didn't rhyme. Most angsty teens do write poetry and I wrote *ahem* cowboy poetry. I kid you not (don't worry, I've stopped now). Anyway, I wrote this short story for the ss category called The Cowboy and His Horse. Lame title, right? That's the best I could do. I've only recenly come into title giving prowess and sometimes that skill still eludes me (seriously, The Treasure Hunter's Lady spent its first year as The Rainbow Serpent. Really? Just calling after the evil mythical beastie? *facepalm*). It placed 4th in the MTCCWC, shocking, I know. Fourth, really? It... needed work. You can read the blog about how I was accused of plagarism over this story here.

But it is, and has always been a story about a man who is nameless because... of... some... um, reason. No, I really can't recall why I didn't give this cowboy a name. Wait, wait, I know--because if he didn't have a name then anyone could identify with him. You could be the nameless soul going back to your home in search of redemption. I just thought of that right now. Brilliant, right?

Anyway, the tired old cowboy is on his way home because he's dying. He left the farm where he grew up after an argument with his father because he didn't want to spend his life behind a plow. Because eating cow dust is so much better. In his old-ish age, the cowboy gets wiser and makes it his last mission to return home. When he arrives, he's swallowed by the memories of good times and his first love and only love, Katie.

The cowboy's companion is an old gray cowhorse who also remains nameless. To keep things from being a total snoozer (in case the bittersweet memories aren't enough to get you), the cowboy talks to the horse. The horse seems sympathetic to the cowboy's plight, but it doesn't talk back (he's not that sick). I won't give away the ending because I kind of (read: absolutely) want you to buy the story.

In 2009, I entered this story in the Missouri Literary Festival short story competition under the title For Everything A Time, which is way better than The Cowboy and His Horse, but still not as good as Return. To my complete and utter surprise, it took second place. You can read about it in the Oct/Nov 2009 section of this blog.

Now you want to buy it, right? It's award-winning. It has a nifty cover. It's sad and beautiful all at the same time. You can find on Smashwords , Amazon and B&N for 99 cents.

So. To celebrate this, I will be giving away not one, but TWO copies of this story to commenters. I'll randomly draw names with a randomizer (gee, really?), so comment below, leave your name and e-mail addy somewheres in the comment and if you're the lucky puppy, I'll be in touch sometimes next week. Oh. I know how blogger can be about comments, so if you want to drop me a line at allisonmwrites@gmail.com if you can't comment, that'll work too.

Friday, December 16, 2011

The Friday Five - Christmas Gift!

Back in the swing of things with The Friday Five. Woohoo!

Saying 'Christmas gift' when you walk into the home of a relative on Christmas, by the way, is a Southern thing. The first person who says it gets the first gift. Today I thought I'd talk about five things I wish I had the gall to buy and give away as Christmas presents.

#1) Taxidermied animals that are stuffed and preserved for the purpose of staring at you with lifeless glass eyes. But I never want want to receive, say, my dog. "Well, look at it this way, sweetie, Fluffy doesn't eat, poop, need walks or get fleas. He's the perfect pet!"
Apparently putting dead rodents on hats is all the rage. I'll take the one with the moose, please. Better yet, I can just make the moose head a hat.

#2) Luncheon loaf. Nothing says 'I couldn't think of anything to get you, so I got you fake Spam' like 3 for $1 luncheon loaf from the dollar store. It also says, 'I'm not terribly fond of you', only a little less subtly. But it's practical, right? Why worry about whether a relative you're not fond of is going like the tie you bought him when you can get him lunch meat?

#3) How 'bout one to thrill your sister's kids? The Junior Tattoo Parlor. Apparently this was a hot item in 2006. No, for real. You can see it and 7 other inappropriate toys for children here



#4) For the artistic person in your family, you'll want to try absinthe mints. You've seen the jolly fat man, why not take on the Green Fairy too? Or if you're going to be around a lot of relatives you're hate you can simple tell them to kiss your @$$ with cat butt gum.

#5) And last, but never least if you really want to freak out your hypochondriac family member, you can get him this: The Manual of Things That Might Kill You. Just remember to give it to the relative who lives far, far away and change your phone number because you don't want to have to listen to him worry about imaginary maladies. You were just trying to be helpful with that thoughtful gift.

Happy Friday, kids!

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Why I'm In Love With Friends With Benefits

Do you feel like I'm copping out on you? I already did a movie review. But this one is a romantic comedy, so that's different!

I think I saw the preview for Friends With Benefits when I rented Something Borrowed. Husband groaned because he's not a Justin Timberlake fan. Me neither. But I rented this because they highlighted the funny scenes in the movie trailer.

I can't tell if JT is just a bad actor or what is going on with him. His character, Dylan, well... he reminded me of me. A little indecisive. Not alpha male in any way. Let's just say I don't know anything about LA, but his character made me think the people who live there are a little nutty. Very first part of the movie is a scene where the two main characters are shown being dumped by their current love interests.

Anyway, Mila Kunis' character, Jamie, is a headhunter who wants Dylan to interview and take a position with GQ. He gets an offer from them, but isn't sure New York is really his city. She takes him all over the town, to a bar, to a rooftop, and finally to Times Square where he gets to see a flash mob break out into spontaneous dancing. That's what sells him on the move (really, a less agnostic version of West Side Story?)

Dylan and Jamie become friends. One evening while watching a romantic movie and drinking copiously, the two start to talk about the things their previous dates said about them. How they're emotionally unavailable or unstable. Dylan suggests they be friends with benefits because they don't need all the emotional parts of a relationship. This leads to a pretty hilarious sex scene.

They carry on with this sex-only relationship for a while, but when Jamie's less-than-stellar mom comes to visit after she left her fiance, Jamie decides she wants to start dating again. Dylan tries to pick up a woman, but his heart isn't really into it. Jamie finds an oncologist who seems perfect for her, but she explains she has a five date rule in which no intimacy will occur until the fifth date. The doctor agrees. On their fifth date, they do the deed. The next morning she steps out to answer a call from Dylan and the doctor tries to sneak away. They break up. Jamie is sad, but her mom has talked her into a 4th of July trip to Montauk. Except then mom goes back to her ex-fiance. Dylan persuades Jamie to come with him to LA and meet the family.

Dylan's dad, sister and nephew accept Jamie into the family with open arms and she takes to them in spite of the sometimes uncomfortable things Dylan's dad does--he has Alzheimer's. She tells Dylan that it doesn't matter what the world thinks of his dad, only his opinion is important. One night, Dylan goes to Jamie for a booty call and she rejects him, asking for emotional support rather than physical support the way they were before. In the end, they wind up doing it anyway, but you can tell things have changed for Dylan. When his sister starts to tell him how perfect they are for each other, he freaks out and says a bunch of mean stuff about Jamie while she's hiding in the room. She catches a flight back to NY and refuses to speak to him although she eventually lets him know she's aware of what he said.


But she receives a call from an unnamed but well known company searching for a man like--or preferably even Dylan--she's forced to confront him. He takes a meeting with the company which infuriates her because if he quits or gets fired from GQ before the year is out, she loses her bonus. He hasn't decided on taking the job or not, but they part ways in an unfriendly manner. Dylan's dad comes to stay with him while his sister is out of town. Dylan picks him up at the airport only to have dad wander off when he gets hungry and seat himself in a restaurant. And take off his pants. Recalling what Jamie said about the only thing that matters is Dylan's opinion of his dad, he also removes his pants. Odd. Then his dad sees a woman that looks like a girl he knew before he married Dylan's mother who left them. He regrets not telling the woman he loved her and is sorry he lost her. Dylan knows what he has to do.

I won't give away any more, but the ending is cute and the humor throughout the movie is well worth the $1 I paid at Redbox. Actually, it would've been almost worth the box office price as well. I love the way the two of them bickered. It reminded me of how my husband and I carry on. Sometimes we draw weird, frightened looks, but more often than not people just laugh at us because we sound like the proverbial old married couple. Six years, six hundred years, what's the dif?

If only JT hadn't acted so metrosexual...

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

So... I Published With Smashwords

I had these short stories just sitting there, right? And Return even won an award, it deserves to be seen. Actually, back in the day (2009 was so long ago, you know) it was called For Everything A Time, but that's almost as long as the story and kind of awkward. I like the shorter title better. It's about a cowboy who goes to the place where was born and raised, the place he left in a fit of anger and how he tries to redeem himself by dying there. You can get it here.

The other (more cheerful story) is a contemporary romance short story about an event they have at my alma mater, but I modified it to become a charity event: MudFest. It's about two people who know each other and compete every year for the covered MudFest trophy. It's also about good sportsmanship. Learn something, will ya? You can download it here.

Coupla little ninety-nine centers, good for right before bed if you don't need to do anything heavy thinking.

Happy writing!

Monday, December 12, 2011

It's Christmas Time

Like you can't get enough Christmas everywhere else, I'm bringing it too.

I'm kind of torn about holidays. I don't really like them (gasp!) but I do like getting extra time off. The whole Christmas thing seems to start earlier and earlier and that gets old. I do not want to hear Christmas music before Thanksgiving. Ugh. In fact, I don't think radio stations should devote their entire music list to Christmas tunes either. Maybe I'm a Scrooge, but I don't care.

In spite of my anti-holiday feelings, I bring you Christmas wonders from around the stores. This is one of the trees at Bass Pro Shops. Wouldn't every lucky little boy like to wake up with a four-wheeler under his tree? I couldn't care less about four-wheelers, but I thought the lights were pretty. The Christmas Wonderland behind the tree reminds me of what hell is probably like: screaming kids, "elves" on cell phones, and taxidermied caribou surrounded by fake snow. De-light-ful. Not.

This one is for my Canadian friends. I found this hat at Wal-Mart, the wonderful department store that carries all kinds of junk no one needs. I think the Merry Christmas, Eh! hat would get old pretty darn quick. Aside from that, I imagine people giving you stupid looks if you wore this... anywhere. My mom tells me I'm going to get head lice if I keep trying on hats. Nah.

And now I present your holiday shopping guide. Because every kid wants a booster seat that looks like a deathtrap. It's supposed to be Dora the Explorer, right? She looks more like an alien from outerspace than your friendly Spanish-speaking cartoon buddy. If I were a little kid, I would scream and cry (and probably find myself buckled into this monstrosity anyway) if my parents bought this for me.

This yard statue, I love. It's a bear that squished a gnome and it says Wipe Your Paws. I mean, whoever came up with this delved right into my mind, that part that appeals to the weird side of me and came up with a statue. I would so buy this if it wasn't $40 and you didn't have to weed eat around it.

Happy Holidays, y'all!

Friday, December 9, 2011

The Backburner

I have stuff on the backburner. I'm still working on edits for THL and I haven't done anything except take my NaNo project to my local critique group for some poking and prodding. I'm a little bit burned out. But, heck, it's the holidays and I'm pretty burned out all around. In a past life I must've been a bear because there is nothing I would love more than to sleep through winter.

I have two projects waiting on me to finish writing them. I have three others that need endings and/or edits. But as I look into the next year, I'm wondering what kinds of writing I'll get done in the coming months. I love writing steampunk/adventure romances. But my mind is wandering in the direction of other genres. Like a romance set during/after World War II. I love that time period. The fashion and the mannerisms, the way things were rapidly evolving to shape the world as we know it.

Steampunk romance: 1 finished in edits. One half-finished. One semi-plotted to complete a trilogy.
WWII era romance: vague idea about two POWs and their love interests after they come home.
But, wait! I wrote a paranormal historical romance novella the year after I finished the first draft of The Treasure Hunter's Lady. It would be soooooo cool if the hero from that, knowing about paranormal creatures now, formed a justice league to keep the spooks from interfering with every day people's lives (he was a Texas Ranger, he knows all about commanding men and his love interest would totally understand if he felt the need to do so).

So many ideas, so little time! Even if I wrote continuously, I doubt I could ever get them all down. I've always been this way, wanting to write all these stories. It's maddening, really because my brain skips around so much. It's like I already need another NaNo and I didn't finish the one I started. Sheesh. I think I have a Library of Congress inside my head. Maybe I need to write more short stories.

So how about you all? What's in store for next year?

Monday, December 5, 2011

Why I'm Not Sure If I Loved Conan Or Not

It's too cold lately to be SIFWIWing, so I'm scouring other venues for something exciting to do. We rented a couple of movies Friday night, so I thought I could talk about a movie instead, as I sometimes do. We got Crazy, Stupid Love (B+), Tucker & Dale vs. Evil (A++) and Conan the Barbarian (A-/B+?)

I wish I had gotten Crazy, Stupid Love from Redbox, to be honest. It was okay (you'd think I'd be a little more enthusiastic about a romance movie, right?) but I don't know if it was $2.75 good. Tucker & Dale vs. Evil had me laughing so hard I was crying and couldn't breathe. Husband and I agreed that we need to own that movie. Anyway, I was pleasantly surprised that Conan offered us a hairy Ron Perlman. Love me some Ron Perlman. I mean, classic 1987 Beauty and the Beast on TV, what's not to love?

So Conan. With voice-over by Morgan Freeman, I mean, how cool is that? I had trouble getting my mind around the time period. Where were the ancient civilizations that I knew? Um, according to Wikipedia, they weren't "known" at the time. Well, that explains that. I used to be all up in ancient history's face. Now I'm a little rusty.

Hmm, Jason Momoa. I think he only has three expressions: smoldering, angry and angry-smoldering. "Smoldering" in this instance, can also be used as "I'm-coming-to-kill-you cocky".

I also want to mention that the bad guy, called Khalar Zym here, is one hard mother to kill! He wouldn't die in Avatar and he just wouldn't die in Conan.

It started out well. Who doesn't love a c-section on the battlefield and a puppet-baby? They didn't even try. You could so tell it was a puppet. I mean, why not just use a loaf of bread if you aren't even going to try and convince the audience that it's a real baby? But the opening scenes with Mr. Freeman's narrative and Ron cutting his puppet-baby from his dying warrior wife's stomach weren't too bad. I even enjoyed the scenes where the guys from Last of the Mohicans (editor's note: they probably actually had a tribal or clan name, but they looked like Mohicans, k?) snuck out of the woods and Conan proceeded to behead all of them without breaking the egg he had tucked away in his mouth. Badass.

It was the part where Zym came into the picture that things started going downhill for me. The creepy daughter, Marique was perfectly creepy, but guy hunting bones to make a mask and bring back his dead, evil sorceress wife didn't impress me. Let's jump to twenty years later. Pirating, sexing up the captives he frees, and wandering around trying to find Zym (really? How can you not know where this guy is for twenty years? Did you not escape after they burned your village down? Follow them, maybe? Kill them all in the dead of night? Plot hole, anyone?) pretty much sums up Conan's life. At this point, I was literally saying, dude, put on a shirt! How is running around half-naked helping anyone?

Some monk chick, called Tamara asks the head monk-guy about her future. He tells her a man is coming for her and she's all oooo, a knight. And he's going, erm, no, not quite. She's like, what else? And he's like, excuse me, I'm late for my colonoscopy. So Zym and Marique end up finding out where this pureblood monk chick is and come for her to bring their creepy mask-thing to full power. Conan is busy letting slaves disembowel their evil master and learns where Zym is. And they're off. Some chasing and fighting and Conan takes Tamara as his captive. She's pretty biting with the dialogue while he's stoic, which is usually okay by me in a male character. They didn't seem to have very good chemistry. She obviously had some kind of education and he was the kill it-kill it-kill it type of savage.

And there was more fighting, once with some cool sand-men and then when some guys attacked the pirate ship, but it was the sex scene that really got me. Don't get me wrong, it was a very passionate sex scene, but it felt a little forced. One of the things romance writers will notice about publisher requests: no sex for the sake of having sex. I feel like the script writer just tossed it in there to keep the men watching between fight scenes. As many boobs appeared in this movie anyway, I'm not sure what the big deal was with shoving a sex scene in there and the after scene where we got a long look at Conan's butt. That was a muscular butt. Wow. I seriously think he could kill a grown man with those muscles.

Enter some more fighting, a bad guy that just. Won't. Die. Some witch possession and... well, I can't tell you the end. Things got kind of fuzzy for me anyway because it was late and I had a headache. At one point I wasn't even sure who was the bad guy and who was the good guy. The one thing I can say in favor of Conan is this: unlike Clash of the Titans, this movie wasn't plot-driven. I actually cared what the characters were doing and they seemed human. You can't fault Conan for wanting revenge. I'm not sure why Tamara became a monk to begin with, that was a plot hole too, but I'm sure it was a good reason.

So, I think I liked it, minus the end and the part where Ron Perlman dies and the puppet-baby. Oh, and there was a giant squid or something when they were all breaking into Zym's castle. Giant squid/kracken/sea monster is overdone. There is no topping POTC on kracken, 'k? Unless it's a steampunk kracken and then we'll talk.

Friday, December 2, 2011

My Final WriMo Woe (Or Another Swan Song, Or Die, November, Die!)

I gave it my best shot. Okay, I tried. It wasn't anywhere close to "best shot", but it's hard to complain about 38,320 words in 23 days. No, I haven't written another single word on it since the 23rd. Bite me.

To recap: I was extremely excited about the prospect of writing this second version of The Sky Pirate's Wife because I finally figured out the paranormal elements in it. I think the second and third chapters are excellent, much different than I anticipated (because let's face it, I went into this blind and didn't anticipate anything).

Somewhere along the way the FMC and MMC got into this habit of really ripping each other up when they weren't making love (which was just an added bonus because I was out of plot so I substituted sex instead of dialogue). It stopped being fun. Now I'm thinking I might just take some of the stuff from the first version, combine it with the second and stir in those paranormal elements. Eventually.

I'm a little bit sad because this is my first loss at NaNo. But I thought of something clever to say about that, so fear not! I may have lost the war, but I won the battle. It's good to win battles, right? Right?

Now I want to share with you some of my favorite lines from The Sky Pirate's Wife. Here goes.


Sophie's stomach was empty and it was a fortunate thing too. Otherwise she feared she'd dirty Mr. Wayne's lovely black leather carriage seat. 
*** 
 “Seven survived, including the captain.”
 A wry smile tipped the patient's mouth up for a heartbeat before he grimaced in pain. “Did he now?”
*** 
[Van Buren] looked a bit cramped until he found a lever that let the seat slide back. “How fortunate that the manufacturers included this luxury. I fear it would be unpleasant to drive more than a block with my knees up to my neck.” (referring to an automobile he's stealing)
*** 
 Sophie twisted toward him. “They are rather bad. But I enjoy all the trouble you get into before the last page.” (referring to dime novels written about Van Buren)
*** 
Albert's lawyer ... Darroc Wayne, a short, round man with poor taste in suits, smiled at her. Smiled like there was nothing amiss.
“I understand there's to be a wedding.”
It took all of Sophie's reserve not to slam the door and climb out the window. 


Score one for getting through November alive, but I feel like I've been severely beaten with craptastic events. Like I said on Monday, I have a list of potential e-publishers, but I just do not feel enthusiastic about subbing in any way, shape or form right now.

If you think about it, December is a lousy time to attempt much of anything because it's a very busy month. January is so dull and lifeless, it really makes a much better month to try and rise from the crappy ashes of the previous year.  (Code for I'm a procrastinator.)