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I don't have any Stuff I Find While I'm Walking photos today. It isn't that I didn't walk. Oh, I walked a lot. On Saturday I went shopping with my mom. She bought me adorable new tan snub-nosed flats. I'm wearing them for the first time today. I didn't put mole skin in the backs, so I may end up miserable by the end of the day.

Then yesterday my husband and I went to the Branson Landing and I bought this really cute headband with feathers on it. Only to discover that *ahem* my roots are showing quite badly (I already knew that) but the feathers on the headband are dark brown and not easy to see against my roots. Then I went and forgot to buy hair color and makeup. So for the first time in over a year, I'm wearing liquid foundation today. Weird.

Sorry, this blog is not about fashion or what I slather on my face to get rid of dark circles (which failed, btw) and my hair color (which is not really blonde).

It is, however, a blog about making like a kitty cat and covering stuff up so you don't have to deal with it. There are many choices in the road we take through life. Which sounds cliche and trite, but it's true. And it's easy to get lost when you're not paying attention. Or maybe it's easier to get lost when you think everything is suddenly going your way. You ignore all the signs that would point you in the right direction.

Oh dear. This can't possibly end well.
I don't know if the entire world is aware of the meaning of the word "tharn". It's a made up word used in the novel Watership Down. When the rabbits are caught in the road in the glare of headlights, they freeze and they called it being tharn or unable to move. Most days I feel like one of those terror-stricken, tunnel-burrowing rodents. I'm sort of fumbling my way through life with no real plan because the ones I make tend to back fire and generally just screw me over. So when I think about doing anything other than what I've already been doing or what I'd planned to do, I tend to put myself in that place where I really get stressed out and then I feel like the whole world is coming down around me and there's too much on my plate and I'm ready to throw the whole thing in the trash because I'm the kind of person who never follows through with anything and when I get in over my head it's easier to just cut and run. Allow me to complain further. 

I never intended to see The Treasure Hunter's Lady in print. But I'm at a point where I'm wondering whether to use Createspace to publish it. I've been playing with the template for it and it's crazy-long in that format. It's also not terribly well done because there are some weird formatting issues that I have no idea how to fix. At this juncture, I have no clue about the formatting and even less clue about the cover. If I hired someone to fix these things, I'm sure I could have print on demand copies of the book ready to go in a matter of weeks. Better still, I could have copies to sell the day of the conference in June. You know, instead of floundering around like a dumbass, trying to figure out how to get people to buy the ebook.

I found my comfort zone in the ebook niche. I like it there. I understand it. The eHow article I read about how to format a print book for Createspace was vague and unhelpful, as eHow articles often are. So I had a few pages in my semi-formatted document that were vile and wicked and looked utterly ridiculous. I figured out how to change that. Then I'm all, gee, I hate that font. So I changed it and I don't even know if you're allowed to do that. The instructions over there are nonspecific as to what I can and can't do. Gee, thanks. If I wanted to bumble around in the dark like I always do, I'd just . . . keep doing what I'm doing. Like, I don't need a table of contents, okay? It's a romance book. I mean it just isn't done like that in the world I know.

On top of that, the manufacturing cost is bothering me. Okay, I want to make money selling books, yes. I won't lie. I want your hard-earned cash and I'm not ashamed to take it because, dammit, I worked hard to put everything I've learned together. But I also don't want to break the bank. Your bank. You deserve a fair price, but if the manufacturing cost is going to be ridiculously high, then it's not worth it to me to even offer it as a print book.

Another thing is: If I'm involved in this, then it's going to cut into the time I have to edit/revise and format The Sky Pirate's Wife. I feel like I really slacked off in writing it during NaNoWriMo, didn't give it the attention it deserved then and I'm sort of doing the same thing now. If only I didn't need to sleep. Maybe if I could take a couple of weeks off and work on this stuff non-stop. You know, the funny thing is, I always wanted to become a workaholic, just never at any of the jobs I did. I also know about being burnt out and I'm deathly terrified of doing that to myself.

I've been thinking about this stuff for a couple of weeks now, rolling it around in my head, weighing my options because once something is done, it can never be undone and I don't want to make a bad decisions. Therein, my troubles amount to: When am I going to make a decision? Damned if I know.

Oh, no. There can never be one easy path to take. They have to have twists and turns and confuse the pathtaker because easy paths--pfft, where's the fun in that? Life: guaranteed to make you wonder what would happen if you went one way instead of another.


  1. I like that word 'tharn'. It's kinda like 'darn' and 'what the'. My problem isn't too many directions to take. I know where I want to go, it's the doing it that stops me like a road block I have to go around and then I get lost trying to find my way back to the main road. But, back to you. I think you should print THL. Check other print on demand sites. Or there might be a local printer that could do a few copies?

  2. You and have been tossing the same idea around in our brains.

    I'm a lot like you. If it seems too hard then I usually don't try it, but I did surprise myself when I self pubbed and did the formatting all by myself. I was so proud, hehehe.

    But I'm worried about the formatting for a printed book. I've heard it can be a real pain in the ass. And I really don't like pains anywhere near my butt.
    Also, I don't want to charge a huge price for a printed copy of my novel, but I also want to make money. I'm torn. should I try this new venture? Should I leave well enough alone?


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