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I'm Conflicted (verb): showing mutually inconsistent feelings

I'm not normal. In case you were ever mistakenly under the impression that I am. We should clear that up.

I'm not normal because sometimes I stand in the shower and cry for no good reason. I cry when I should be happy. It's not that I'm unhappy, it's more like I'm confused about what I want. On one hand, I have the fantastic (by which I mean fantasy, not awesome) L&L series waiting to make its appearance on e-readers, and eventually in print, everywhere. I'm in control. I decide release dates, covers, promotions, all the good stuff. I like being in charge, even though sometimes I'm not very good at it.

On the other hand, with the series nearly at an end (geez, 2014 is 46 weeks away), I don't know what I want anymore. I finished The Convict & the Cattleman with the intention of subbing it to publishers. Unless all else fails and it can join the line with the others.

You know how long it's been since I queried anything? Two years. I've forgotten how to write a query letter. The synopsis I have for C&C is way different than the book. It won't take much to correct it, but . . . all that seems so long ago.

It feels weird--and slightly uncomfortable--to think I'm going to send this MS off into someone else's inbox to be poked, prodded, and probably rejected. It's weirder still to think it might stand a chance. I'm not going to dwell on that. Sorry, I'm neither pessimist or optimist. I'm the poor schmuck who's worried that the glass is neither half-full or half-empty, but cracked, leaking all over the place, and soon to be completely empty. Does that make me an uber-pessimist? I bet they make a pill for that.

I want to submit C&C, and in fact, intend to next week. For all the trouble it gave me and the fat margin of hate I sometimes feel for it, it's not a bad story. It's about redemption, love, and accepting others for what's inside instead of on the surface. But I'm caught in this vortex of what-the-hell-am-I-going-to-do once I finish book 5. There are ideas, perfectly pursueable ideas, which would be fun to entertain. Lists of character names, plot ideas. A whole big, scary world that isn't wrapped in the crazy steampunkery I've surrounded myself with since 2009. And that is nerve-wracking. I can't think of any ideas for historical romances that I can improve on. Maybe I've been reading too much YA fiction and can't wrap my mind around historical right now. I'm afraid to start a paranormal historical, because what's to set it apart from the L&Ls except the airships? Do I want to divide my time between trying to be an indie author and a traditionally published author? There are plenty of authors who'll tell you it's possible.

I could be one of those authors if I could get the devils off my shoulders. Anyone got a BB gun and a hankering to play William Tell?


  1. I'm sure you'll figure it out. You never seem to be at a loss for ideas. Take a little time off. Might help your prospective. Of course don't take as much time off as I have. :-)

  2. Well, of course my vote is for the paranormal historical :) What will make it different is that YOU will be its author. Start plotting it. You'll find some crazy legend to work into it and give it that little kick it needs. I think the L&L can cover ALL aspects of your imprint. The scales of your success are about to tip in your favor with the release of your third book. Do not be discouraged. Dive in and get started. If you build it, they will come.

  3. Decisions can be rough, but what a wonderful set of possibilities! I wouldn't worry about paranormal historical being too close to L&L. After all, many authors always write within a given genre to brand themselves. If that's what's calling you, go for it. If another story is screaming more loudly for your attention, that works too. Whatever you choose will be great.


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