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That Thing (Or The Confession)

There are some lines I refuse to cross. Like owning a Dodge (*sigh* I guess I would, if I was really desperate and my options were limited), or eating bugs intentionally, or getting permanent make-up, or going spelunking (sweet Mother Mary, people! Tiny, tight, dark, airless spaces. Why? Why?).

I didn't get you a TFF today because I want to talk about a line I crossed.

I'm an author. You may have noticed. It says so right on the header. Someone once said (oh, sh!t, I know the answer to this...think...think...yeah, I got nothin'), nothing new is written, sung, created, blar, blar, blar. We're producing the same stuff in different ways. This appears to be true. But I do my best, you know? A different spin on the same old, a different character in a weary trope. I make up stuff that's new to me and hopefully new to you.

I read fervently sometimes, like I'll die if I don't get the end. I come to love characters, both from books and movies. Sometimes I want more. And that, dear friends, is what brings me to this confession. Forgive me, universe, for I have committed an untruth.

When I was a teenager, I hearted The Magnificent Seven with squishy fangirl joy. The TV show, not the movies where every character you come to know and love dies (those movies are super-old, this is not a spoiler)! Tormented when CBS canceled the show, I turned to the Interwebz for comfort. I discovered a wealth of TMS fanfiction. It was glorious and poorly written, but it fed me through a year or two. When Joss Whedon's Firefly was ripped from my TV screen, a few years (yes, years, people. Browncoats forever!) later, I turned to the web for comfort again.

All the while I maintained that while I enjoy fanfiction, writing it was beyond me. I tried. Much as I loved them, I couldn't get inside these characters' minds. They weren't mine and I wasn't theirs. So I largely ignored the fanfic world and said, that's not for me, while scratching my head at some of these talented writers who devoted hours to writing in someone else's world. That's what really got me. You have talent, you have a decent story line and with some revision, you could make that your own!

Madness, I tell you.

So I'm innocently minding my own business when one day I convince my husband, omygodomygodomygod, we have to go see Star Trek: Into Darkness, or I'm doing to die. Which might've been the same mantra I used when Iron Man 3 and Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows I & II came out.

He obliges me, because *deep ringing voice* I. AM. LORD. AND. MASTER. Um, because he loves me, even though he'd probably rather get his eyes gouged out (hey, it was his idea to see Magic Mike, I suffered through that because he suggested it. And we both regret it to this day. Comic book/nerd fest movies are his eternal punishment). I mean, it's not like I'm asking him to watch Transformers, or anything.

So we watch (by watch, I mean I am completely transfixed) as the movie unfolds. And at a couple of points, I am on the edge of my seat going, WTH? Let me just say, the part with the tribble? Better buried in an earlier scene in the movie. Or a short scene of its own. That was almost as bad as Tony Stark magically saying "I fixed Pepper's little problem". How? You can't just "magically" fix a problem even if you are a billionaire genius playboy. Either the script writers or whoever edited STID completely botched that tribble bit. But anyway, I loved it.

I could not get it out of my head. I thought about it all the time. About the brilliant characters and I broke down and went to because I needed more! And I discovered some seriously awesome writers there. My favorites are the ones who actually edit their stories, go figure. Some of them, though, I let get by with it because their humor is untouchable. I see and hear these characters and I'm entranced. Seriously.

One of the favorite tropes seems to be $%&@ing with Jim Kirk's head. He has a really traumatic past and he's easy to beat up over it. I thought, man, just once I would like to see him come out of a story line stronger than most people make him. That little voice in my head whispers tauntingly. You could do that.

But little voice, I protest, I'm working on a historical romance right now. And then in a moment of weakness, I buy Star Trek: First Contact, because I'm a Next Generation girl (oh, Riker). And then I start thinking about sexy androids and, yeah, I have a story going about that. But I'm eyeballs deep in galley edits for The Convict and the Cattleman and have no time to play with sexy androids right now.

So Tuesday when I started thinking about Jim again, I decided I would start this story and *gasp* I would not finish it. I would write just enough to remember what a dumb idea this was. I should be wearing a sign that says, Does Not Play Well With Others' Characters. Except...I started writing and I was able to get into Jim's head and even though I had no idea where it was going, only that it would need to be short because I damn sure couldn't write chapter after chapter, it flowed. And it was kind of funny, but it was poignant too and...I didn't write the brave character that I saw on the movie screen. I wrote one who was broken and too stubborn to admit it. I know why every other fanfic writer picks on him now. I might've projected a little of myself on poor Cap'n Kirk.

And, um, I published it on You can find it here.

So I'm a nerd and a fanfic writer and a romance author and that's that.


  1. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH, you are my hero. I've been wrestling with writing a fan-fic for the show Supernatural. And you know what? I think I'm going to do it!

    1. I think you should do it. I would read the sh!t out of anything you write and I would love to see you spin some Sam and Dean.

  2. I think I will do it. I'm going to head over and read your fan-fic.

    1. It starts with nakedness. Because there's not enough naked Jim Kirk in the world. :D

  3. Oh man--I just finished reading it--it's so bloody good! I'm going to sign up, and then follow your story!

    1. Thanks. It was a lot more fun to write than I guessed. I'm working on another part for it.


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