Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Maze Daze

My husband was all, let's go on a hay ride! Like we're 14, are involved in a church that frowns on Halloween and calls their fall festival "harvest" related, or have kids or something. And I'm all, okay! Like I'm a kid and there won't be lots of other screaming kids. I find a place that has it all--Campbell Farm Maze Daze.

Except...there are screaming kids everywhere.  They cut in line. They dart in front of us without saying 'excuse me'. They annoy the adults who are watching them to the point of the adults threatening to feed them to the monsters in the haunted maze. The children were awful. Just awful. But the rest of Maze Daze? Pretty cool.

There's a sort of petting zoo and I got to feed a sheep some grass. I have zero experience with sheep, but this one was cute.

It totally looks like I gave this sheep his haircut.

Nom nom nom (sheep don't eat walnuts, y'all.)
And there was a horse. He was not as friendly/hungry as the sheep.

But he had a way better haircut.

And there was a lawnmower-train, because where else but in Missouri?!


Sorry the pictures are awful. I took them with my phone. It's the devil.

We rode on the hay bale covered trailer to the 8 acre haunted maze, surrounding by screaming kids who assured other screaming kids that they weren't afraid. About a minute and a half after these non-afraid children entered, five or six ran out, screaming bloody murder. I guarantee during that minute and a half they encountered zero monster costume clad individuals.

I hadn't been to a haunted maze since I was in high school. I clung to my husband's hand because we're surrounded by 6 foot plus stalks of corn and winding paths with tricky rocks scattered along the way. We got in a lot of circles and it's very frustrating because it's pitch black and you can't really see anything but corn and the occasional other frightened maze wanderer. And then...this vampire guy jumps out making this really freaky grunting noise. He was the best haunted character. Loved him.

People would come around a corner in the maze, see husband and jump because apparently big bearded men in neon yellow shirts are terrifying. It was hilarious. We wandered and wandered and went in circles and then a zombie doctor appeared. And so we asked him, dude, where are we? And he said, you really want to know? And we said, yes, because we're not sure we're ever getting out of here. And he said, to be honest, I'm lost myself. And you could tell he really was clueless. But he pointed us in the direction he thought was the right way.

It was the right way and we got better at figuring out how close we were, but when we asked the chainsaw murderer, he was a total jerk and wouldn't tell us anything. The zombie lady was way more helpful, chasing us along the path. We did run into the zombie doctor again, who was clearly less lost at that point.

The most hilarious part was the kids getting scared by husband though.

Good times. I tried to get my husband to let me invoke squatter's rights and move into the farmhouse, but he didn't feel like going to jail, so we didn't move in. Sad face. I'm a little bit disappointed in the lack of information about the farm, because you know me, I'm nosy and I love old-timey stuff.

Halloween = fun. Suck up your monster-fearing and your religious crankiness and visit some monsters!

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