Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Call to Arms

Today is the eve before the eve before NaNoWriMo. So, NaNonians, let me bend your ears.

Many days of battle loom ahead. Some of stunning victory so bright, our pens will drip with the ink of our fallen enemy, Time. Some so dark, we will struggle in the mire of unwritten words, wander in confusion as we struggle for the right phrasing, and bellow with sadness when our frustrations corner us.

Do not give up hope, NaNonians. Your month of struggle will make you a stronger Word Warrior. Your trials will build the muscle of determination. Time will neither beat you back nor down. We can control him and make him our servant. Use your words. Wield your pen. Fight on for the sake, nay, glory of the story. If your heart is pure, your intentions good, your need for writing strong, you will overcome the month of November.

May St. Francis de Sales deliver you from plot bunnies. Godspeed, NaNonians. Godspeed.


Monday, October 28, 2013

Stuff That Baffles Me - Pumpkin Season

Okay, to be honest, I have nothing to baffle you guys with today. Unless you want me to blow your mind with awesome, because I do have that. It's October, as you hopefully know. That means spooky stuff and pumpkins and candy galore. I love Halloween, I just wish it was at a different time of year. It would be better served in the spring, I think. Weird, I know.

Anyway, there's this:


This pumpkin that is so far beyond awesome!

I actually photographed this in a grocery store last year, but I forgot about it after I did all that hard work to cut out the apples or whatever it was surrounded by. I'm really glad I remembered it this year, because the store clerk who did this is brilliant. It looks like the Day of the Dead skull popping out of a pumpkin. Creepy and cool at the same time.


Well, there's not much happening in other news. I did get my flash drive back finally after losing it at my in-laws' house a couple of weeks ago. It lived outside in the wild overnight and briefly considered becoming one with nature, but I'm thrilled to report that it works just like it always did. I had back ups for most things, but not my word count chart, which was sad. I pulled the pumpkin pic off of it and it did just fine. Yay for flash drive!

I also had a killer headache all weekend, which was just super. My husband had a tooth out, so we basically laid around all day yesterday and did nothing. I started working on a video of pictures of PeeWee, because he's adorable and it's something I've been meaning to do for a while.

NaNoWriMo starts in four days. I have no plan for writing The Heckmasters: Eban and it's starting to freak me out a little. I mean, I usually have some kind of idea where a story is going. Right now, I have a demon-possessed, memory-addled, mysterious-backgrounded heroine and a half-demon doctor who's very bad at hiding secrets. We need some conflict. I intend to have a mostly finished novel by the time the end of November rolls around.

I didn't make more than a few paragraphs' worth of progress on my new historical either. I did get a little editing done on The Siren's Sentinel though. Yeah, I'm still (very slowly) working on that.

It's Monday. It's crazy foggy here. Let's make the best of it.

Friday, October 25, 2013

The Friday Five - I'm So Weird

I was looking for a specific blog post yesterday about NaNoWriMo, because I couldn't remember participating in 2011. I did. And I won, but darned if I could remember it. So I found the post where I proclaimed myself Queen of the Universe, more or less, and there was some weird line in the post that made me laugh. So today, I offer you weird things that I write that make me laugh.

1) From a Facebook post in 2011: I got airmail from Australia yesterday. I never got airmail before. It was awesome. It's the romance trading cards I won on a blog. They're pretty cool. Anything free is cool, except diseases. You can keep those.

2) From my college days: I'm like a pretty zebra, only I'm not pretty and I'm not a zebra.

3) From a tweet in 2012: Holy smokey-smokersons (I just wanted to say something weird. Mission accomplished).

4) From a tweet in 2010: I'm all out of rose color and glasses #nothinglefttolose

5) From the blog in December 2010: Christmas is approaching and following that, New Years. You know my creed: I never, ever, never, ever, don’t-do-it-anymore-can’t-make-me-ain’t-happenin’-so-don’t-bother-askin’-cause-I’m-gonna-say-no, make a New Years’ Resolution. If you were wondering, I’m not making one. I always botch them within the first week or two, so what’s the point? Self-improvement? I laugh in the face of self-improvement! Or, more aptly, swear in the face of it. Gosh-darnit, I just can’t stop swearing.

It's Friday. The weekend is here. We're saved. Go, be, do.

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Maze Daze

My husband was all, let's go on a hay ride! Like we're 14, are involved in a church that frowns on Halloween and calls their fall festival "harvest" related, or have kids or something. And I'm all, okay! Like I'm a kid and there won't be lots of other screaming kids. I find a place that has it all--Campbell Farm Maze Daze.

Except...there are screaming kids everywhere.  They cut in line. They dart in front of us without saying 'excuse me'. They annoy the adults who are watching them to the point of the adults threatening to feed them to the monsters in the haunted maze. The children were awful. Just awful. But the rest of Maze Daze? Pretty cool.

There's a sort of petting zoo and I got to feed a sheep some grass. I have zero experience with sheep, but this one was cute.

It totally looks like I gave this sheep his haircut.

Nom nom nom (sheep don't eat walnuts, y'all.)
And there was a horse. He was not as friendly/hungry as the sheep.

But he had a way better haircut.

And there was a lawnmower-train, because where else but in Missouri?!


Sorry the pictures are awful. I took them with my phone. It's the devil.

We rode on the hay bale covered trailer to the 8 acre haunted maze, surrounding by screaming kids who assured other screaming kids that they weren't afraid. About a minute and a half after these non-afraid children entered, five or six ran out, screaming bloody murder. I guarantee during that minute and a half they encountered zero monster costume clad individuals.

I hadn't been to a haunted maze since I was in high school. I clung to my husband's hand because we're surrounded by 6 foot plus stalks of corn and winding paths with tricky rocks scattered along the way. We got in a lot of circles and it's very frustrating because it's pitch black and you can't really see anything but corn and the occasional other frightened maze wanderer. And then...this vampire guy jumps out making this really freaky grunting noise. He was the best haunted character. Loved him.

People would come around a corner in the maze, see husband and jump because apparently big bearded men in neon yellow shirts are terrifying. It was hilarious. We wandered and wandered and went in circles and then a zombie doctor appeared. And so we asked him, dude, where are we? And he said, you really want to know? And we said, yes, because we're not sure we're ever getting out of here. And he said, to be honest, I'm lost myself. And you could tell he really was clueless. But he pointed us in the direction he thought was the right way.

It was the right way and we got better at figuring out how close we were, but when we asked the chainsaw murderer, he was a total jerk and wouldn't tell us anything. The zombie lady was way more helpful, chasing us along the path. We did run into the zombie doctor again, who was clearly less lost at that point.

The most hilarious part was the kids getting scared by husband though.

Good times. I tried to get my husband to let me invoke squatter's rights and move into the farmhouse, but he didn't feel like going to jail, so we didn't move in. Sad face. I'm a little bit disappointed in the lack of information about the farm, because you know me, I'm nosy and I love old-timey stuff.

Halloween = fun. Suck up your monster-fearing and your religious crankiness and visit some monsters!

Monday, October 21, 2013

Stuff That Baffles Me - That Bottle Called Me Loser

Welcome back to Monday. What an exciting time in our lives...or, okay, yeah, that's not really working, is it? Yep. It's Monday. Blogger is giving me crap when I try to type a title, FB won't let me update my status from the Interwebz (I haven't tried from my phone yet), I got stung by a bee, and my car window won't roll up. Sixteen miles is a long way when it's 40 degrees outside, let me tell you.

Fortunately for you, I have STBM. At least there's that.



You guys watch The Big Bang Theory? This bottle of pear juice (?) reminded me of Barry Kripke. This could only have been better had the bottle said "Woosa!"
This has been (a pretty lame) Stuff That Baffles Me. You can tell I'm not really putting a lot of effort out right now. It's winter. Time for hibernation. Okay, it's fall, but winter is coming, so I might as well entertain the notion of hibernating, just like I usually do. If only...


I've dabbled a bit with Wildwood Spring and added a scene, yay. I planned to extend another and add one more, then I was like, eh the hell with it. Sooner or later, I'm sure I'll get bored and find an excuse to do things with it. The Convict and the Cattleman waited three years for me to do something. Nothing makes Wildwood any more special. It can wait, because... I started something new.

Never one to sit idle for long, because idle...devil's work...whatever, I've been toying with character names and while I suspected my muse was broken shortly after I finished Wildwood, turns out it was just joking. Thank God. While I'm cruising the Interwebz, searching for a good occupation for an old-timey person, I decided on miller. And then, boom, I had a plot and things didn't take off from there, because I wasn't quite sure how to start.

I did, however, decide to return to Wilson township just like in The Wrong Brother's Bride. So that's what I'm playing at now. You know, while waiting for NaNoWriMo to begin. I'm 3000 words strong on this new book that has a tentative title that sucks, so I'm not sharing it.

I have my reasons for not really taking a break between books. They're mine, you can't have them.

That's what I was up to yesterday. More Wilson township. We'll see where it goes and what happens during NaNo.

It's Monday. Ugh. Just ugh.

Friday, October 18, 2013

The Friday Five - Where's PeeWee?

I've been down and out this week, for numerous reasons, but you know what almost never fails to cheer me up? A certain little furball dog named PeeWee Roo Chin. I've taken a photograph of him and badly superimposed it on some historical photographs that are courtesy of the Library of Congress's flickr account. It's a wealth of old timey goodness.

Where's PeeWee?

Library of Congress

On tour with Teddy Roosevelt!

Where's PeeWee?

Library of Congress

Getting ready for Christmas at Madison Square in NY!

Where's PeeWee?

Library of Congress

Relaxing in a hotel room!

Where's PeeWee?

Library of Congress

At the top of a pyramid!

Where's PeeWee?

Library of Congress

Driving everyone loco!

You know the drill. Go. Be. Do.

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Swamp Thang

My husband insisted on four-wheeler riding last weekend. You know. My big 3-day weekend. The one where I was supposed to be editing for So You Think You Can Write. My plan was to sit in my chair, listen to Anna the Talking Robot for a few hours on end, and get that stuff done. (I lost my flash drive, btw. My FIL found it later, but they still have it, so I have no idea if it works or not because it was outside overnight. Yeah, I had a back up of Wildwood Spring. No worries.) He dragged me out of the chair. Into nature. That place I've been mostly avoiding a large part of the year. Here's pictures. And a hilarious story for your entertainment.

Brushy Creek, Glade Top Trail, Mark Twain National Forest

A crawdad in Brushy Creek.

Dogwood leaves changing colors.
Crazy tree.
Creepy cemetery in the middle of God's nowhere at Glade Top.
No one maintains this. So creepy.
Don't eat the toadstools.


This is exactly what it looks like. A four wheeler in a giant puddle. The farther out my husband's mom and dad went, the deeper they sank. It didn't look this deep.

So, how's the water?
The best part was: In the second to last picture there, my husband's dad is tying a rope to the four wheeler my husband is on. You know, so he could pull them out in reverse. So FIL walks up to the other four wheeler, kicks the clutch off and has one foot on the bank and one on the four wheeler. Husband puts it in reverse and...FIL has this look on his face. His eyes just got bigger and bigger as he fell toward the mud hole. He reached out and grabbed a whole lot of nothing. It was a miracle he didn't go in face first, but he wound up in it past his waist (he's short). It was the funniest thing I've seen in forever. Husband was disappointed because I didn't get a video.

I was the only one who didn't get wet, because I got off before Husband tried pushing the other one out going forward. Silly people in the stinky mud. There was a perfectly good dry road right beside that mud hole.

 I did get that editing done. The SYTYCW finalists were notified this morning with just a few hang backs (I wonder if those are for people in other countries where it's dark thirty?) and some "maybe" considerations for later. Um...so who do you sub weird gothic romances? Well, I don't know. I'll probably just pub it myself. If I can come to terms with the weird. Oh, god. I feel a rewrite coming on. Noooooo! Must. Focus. On. NaNo. Except if my flash drive doesn't work, then I lost the first four pages of the latest Heckmaster novel. That's okay. Every time I lose something, I just tell myself it'll be even better next time. Except...I need that first paragraph, because it was badass. I posted it on FB, I'll find it.

Monday, October 14, 2013

Stuff That Baffles Me - Commemorative Memorabilia

Happy Monday, kids! I'm not here, but I didn't forget you on this most glorious of holidays--the anniversary of the discovery of America. By some Spanish dude. Or what he Italian? Well, whatever. 1492, Columbus sailed the blah, blah, blah. I have more important things to worry about. Like Stuff That Baffles Me! Yay!


No, really. He was Italian. Who destroyed millions (yes, millions) of lives by spreading disease and slavery. So naturally, we celebrate this by issuing him a plate.


Okay, I know it says 1992, but you have to consider, I found it in a flea market. Happy Columbus Day, everybody (except those of us with reasons to really hate him and want to spear his flesh and roast him over a fire).

Dear God, I hope that's not like a portrait off of a portrait, because #1) he looks really young and B) dude's got a bad case of the fuglies.

See you Wednesday, kids!

Friday, October 11, 2013

The Friday Fail - Cop Out

Um...I forgot it's Friday. I've been off by an entire day for most of the week. It isn't that I wanted to relive Tuesday (I heartily dislike Tuesdays, because they're like extra Mondays, blocking you from more do-able Wednesday), it's just that I was really surprised to find out on the 9th that it was the 9th and not the 8th, so I've been messed up.

I failed you on this day of Frigg. My sincerest apologies. In my defense, I've done a ton of writing this week, trying to maintain some sort of deadline to finish Wildwood Spring. Well, I met my word count goal, which is something. I'm very close to the end and hopefully will finish today so I can spend the weekend editing. Today, I'd like to talk about the music that helped me get as far as I have in this novel. I know, it's a cop out. I promise to do better in the future.

1) Buying the Space Farm - composed by Michael Giachhino on the Star Trek Into Darkness score. Hopefully you've seen the movie by now, because if not, I'm about to spoil the hell out of it for you. Kirk carks it. This the song that plays while he's carking it and sharing a dying bromance moment with Spock. I like the song because it's soft and a little sad and it fit really well with Wildwood Spring because the heroine's mother carks it when the heroine's miracle fails to work.

2) You're Just a Man in a Mask - Hans Zimmer on The Lone Ranger score. This one is great for the dark/dangerous sections of the story. Anytime anything remotely creepy or frightening happened to the heroine, I turned this one on. It was great for the black moment scene in the story. I actually like to start it at about 0:31 seconds for the best effect.

3) City of Bones - composed by Atli Örvarsson on The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones score. This one is a recent add, but I liked it for another part of the black moment. Very dramatic stuff, perfect for *clears throat* a hero whose childhood home is burning down around his ears and he knows he's about to lose everything (specifically the woman he loves).

4) Farewell to Dobby - Alexandre Desplat on the Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (Part I) score. I like to start this one a little later in the track too, because it has this annoying ring at the beginning. Moving song, good for the tender moments in the story.

5) Everything Has Changed - Taylor Swift. *Sigh* I don't like TS, if you want me to be honest. I think she's a using little so-and-so who dates men so she can write songs about them. Or maybe she's confused about what life really is. I don't know. I do know I like this song. My favorite line is 'Your eyes look like coming home'. That really compounds the love story in Wildwood Spring, the whole reason the heroine doesn't just leave the town once her mother dies, but actually goes back to find the hero. And despite all the weird in the house and the lies, she knows she's where she belongs.

Okay, that's all I've got. It's Friday. Go, be, do.

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Writing, Rambling, Rehashing

*Sigh* Dear sweet and fluffy lord, it's Wednesday, isn't it? I suppose that means you people want something from me. Like an update, since I've taken a temporary reprieve from hosting book features/author interviews. Well, okay then.

The WIP is coming along 1,000 words at a time. We're now at 46k and the end is nigh. I've run into a little plotting problem-o though. Uh, the hero lied about who he is and the heroine just goes along with it, but slowly starts to figure it out. When he told her the truth about something else, she very tiredly says she doesn't want to know anything else right then. The story progresses and he still doesn't tell her his real identity. Then he proposes and...bam! I forgot that he didn't tell her. So I need to go back and fix that so it's not like she's bizarrely marrying some dude whose last name she doesn't know (that she knows). Ugh. Stupid characters.

I'm really looking forward to saying bye-bye to writing this one. I'm sure with some distance, I'll be able to come back and see what an interesting book this is. Right now, I kind of want it over so I can take more time to think about the next installment of the Heckmasters. I'm itching to write it.

One of my favorite things to mull on is this: I started writing Wildwood Spring at the beginning of July. Here we are, three months and some change later, and I have an almost complete novel (50k is a novel to me. I subscribe to NaNo rules. You could call it a long novella. Schematics). It's always amazing to me how I go from a mostly blank document to one that's filled with pages. How you can go from oh, god, I'll never finish this to holy cow, it's almost over! Character lives laid out in lines. There's humor and sadness, anger and love. The time would've passed whether I was writing or not, but I'm glad it passed with these characters in my head. Sure, Wildwood Spring has been a difficult story to write. It didn't pour form my fingertips like some novels have. It's challenges are what have steered me into making this one a little shorter than my others, but I don't think it loses anything being 10-20k shorter. The important factors in the story are still there. It's challenged me, made me do research, taught me new things. It's been fun.

I'm glad I'm making time to write it. I mean, it's not like it's literary gold, but it's a nice story and it's given me something to do over the end of summer and beginning of fall. But I still can't wait for THE END.

Monday, October 7, 2013

Stuff That Baffles Me - Nightmare on Sesame Street

Why is it that weekends just aren't long enough? There's not enough time for all the sleep I want (I got up before 9 am both days), all the sleep I want, all the writing I should do, the other things that I should probably be doing, and sleeping. Last night I pretended that I didn't have to return to work this week. That I had all the free time in the world. It was nice, until I started doing laundry and planning what I'd wear today. Ugh, I know I have to work, I just don't know why I have to work five days a week. Who made up that dumb rule?

Anyway, while I wasn't sleeping, I wandered around Walmart and found your STBM photo for the week. I know you've missed it, because I've been busy recapping other things. So enjoy.


Most of us grew up with Sesame Street, no? Lovable muppets singing and dancing and teaching us how to become mature, responsible adults who don't sleep all the time and go to work. Or something. They're still highly popular today. Kids love them, adults romp around in their muppet memories. With Christmas time a-comin', the marketers are on full-fledged get-ready-for-your-kids-to-scream-about-everything-they-want mode. Here's what they came up for this holiday season, featuring none other than Elmo.


Aw, Elmo's hugging that little boy. Or...wait... Hold on a second. Elmo's freakin' fixing to take a bite out of that kid. I'm pretty sure that's zombie Elmo, y'all. Get the chainsaw. Hands around the little boy's neck, mouth wide open and inches from tender, tasty kiddie, scream of terror on Junior's lips. Yup. He's finally gone off the deep end. It's Zombie Elmo, available exclusively at Walmart.

Who put this marketing package together? It wasn't enough to just cram Elmo behind some plastic? After Chucky movies and Ted, I'm no longer a huge fan of stuffies. Get that baby eating Elmo away from me.


It was monthly meeting time at ORA, but I skipped critique to get some much-needed writing time in. Oh, massive fail. I ended up rereading the last couple of chapters so I could be sure of what was happening when I left off. It took much longer than I expected. And, yeah, I might have read a chapter of fanfiction, so that definitely stalled me. I made up for it when I got home though. There are 6,000 words left to write to reach my shortened goal and lots of detail adding and padding to do after that. I'm so close, yet so far away from finishing Wildwood Spring. I've got ideas for The Heckmasters: Eban burning up my brain. To be honest, I'll be glad to work on something super weird instead of just a little weird for a while. It's a nice change of pace.

The guest speaker was great. We had Jeff Houghton, who runs his own TV show in Springfield and does improv comedy with The Skinny Improv. Funny guy. I actually made myself get up and be part of his improv exercise. It was about zombie cats and there was a lot of laughter. You guys should be sad that you missed out, if you missed out. Little known fact: I used to do improv in high school with a partner. We did improv and brief skits (we did a lot of X-Files skits as Scully and Mulder). Fun times. I lettered in speech and drama in high school. I have medals. And now I'm super-nervous about talking in front of groups. Which was kind of Jeff's point: We have to take those risks that scare us and get out of our comfort zones. I'm actually working on being braver--you wouldn't know it by my last pitch session. But, um, I'm on an author panel at ORA next month. I can't imagine anyone really wanting my opinion about anything, but I'll be there, quasi-prepared in case that happens. Ask me a question, like: Why did you decide to pitch your historical romance to an e-publisher instead of self-publish it like your steampunk romances? (I'll try to come up with an answer where I'm not stuttering, okay?)

We attended FarmFest on Sunday and it was horribly cold. Stupid fall weather. I didn't take any pictures, so sorry for that. When we got home, we carved pumpkins, something we haven't done since we first got married. I do have a picture of those and I'll post it soon. Mine is way too happy for a jack-o-lantern. I call him the Smiling Idiot. You're going to love him.

Um, that's all I've got. It's Monday. Do your best today, even if it's awful.

Friday, October 4, 2013

NaNaNaNa, NaNaNaNa, Hey, Hey, Hey, NaNo!

On October 2nd, the webmasters at Nanowrimo.org updated the site. It's real purty. I bounced over there right away to update my book for this year's upcoming battle. Holy cow! I'm so excited. Mind, this is the only thing about November that comes anywhere close to exciting me. I'd rather stab, hack, and slash that month right out of the calendar. By now, you must know, I hate November with a passion words can't even describe. Anyway...

Gearing up for NaNo means I get to talk about my soon-to-be WIP. You may have guessed that it's the second book in the Heckmasters series. Let's call it Eban, because he's the brother the book is centered on. As you may or may not know, Camp NaNoWriMo was dedicated to writing the first book. I hit 40,175 words in April, which took care of the biggest part of that novel.

Looking back on last year, I realized that I didn't even attempt Nano. It was the first year since '09 I hadn't participated (I wrote The Turncoat's Temptress at camp that year and didn't hit 50k on it either). So I'm looking forward to giving it my best shot this year.

Do I have a plan?

*Dead silence*

Do I ever?

Do I have a plot?

Well, duh.

Am I prepared for 1,667 words each day that will no doubt bring on the pain (physical, mental, and emotional?)

Uh, yeah!

I'm really excited about putting Eban and Beryl down on the screen. Not to mention the little demon who's trying to keep them apart. She's going to be really fun to play with.

Just a few things to bear in mind as NaNo season approaches:
1) Stay caffeinated.
2) Create as much drama and tension between the characters as possible.
3) Write through the pain--just the emotional pain. Stop and put an ice pack on those achy tendons.
4) The bad guys can be wonderfully bad, but they never win.
5) The month will progress whether I'm writing or not. I might as well get some enjoyment out of it.

It's Friday (thank God). Go, be, do.

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Anna Banna Fo Fanna Me Mie Mo Manna, Anna!

You've heard me talk about her. Mostly using hateful adjectives and animalistic growls. It's my dear friend, Anna! You know, the talking robot.

I hear you. You're saying, "What?" in a disbelieving voice. What good is a robot that only talks? You can talk to yourself. But this, my writer friends, this will be your saving grace (or the bane of your existence). I give to you very simple instructions for using Narrator in Windows.

Go to the Start menu.
Type 'Narrator' in the search box. 
Wait until 'Narrator' appears.
Open the program.

Here's where things get tricky. It works best for me if I open Notepad, copy a chapter of my MS into it, then highlight the text and *poof* Anna (almost always) reads it. You can also set it up on Adobe Reader, but it works slower on my computer, so I just use Notepad. 

Sometimes she's a stubborn so-and-so and it takes her a little bit to get on the right track with me, but mostly she follows my orders and reads that MS in a flat monotone fit to drive me batty. Except when she swears. She's a great swearer.

Swearing aside, there are reasons I need Anna in my life, despite her maddening mispronunciation of very simple names, Anna! Sometimes you have to overlook her stupidity to get the most out of her. You know when you take a chapter to critique, or you read it out loud to yourself, you often catch mistakes your eye skips over? That's why I need Anna. Because I type words out of order sometimes, or forget a word altogether.

I set Anna to a higher voice speed. A 5 is way too slow for me. I want to finish the book sometime this century, Anna! I like 7. It's about the same rate I talk, you know, when I'm not super excited about something and I'm running off at the mouth. It takes her about 10-15 minutes to read 8-10 pages at a 7. By the time she's finished reading a chapter to me, I'm usually bleary-eyed and frustrated with myself for not catching these mistakes the first 29 million times.

Oh, Anna. You're irritating, but you're a genius. The last go-round with her on The Wrong Brother's Bride took me about 6 or 7 hours to complete. Not all at one time. I think I'd expire if I tried to do it all at once. About three days, in blocks of about two hours because that was all I could stand. You'd be stunned by the things I caught. Or what sounded terrible and could be rewritten into better form.

Try it. Search for your Narrator, let him or her read you some text. Catch those mistakes your eyes skip over. Impress your editor. You might be sorry as your robot mispronounces names, thinks the word 'fed' is short for federal, and calls people 'S.O.B.' when your characters are crying, but it's worth the annoyances.