Monday, March 30, 2015

Maybe It's Upcoming Release Day Nerves...Or Demons. Probably Demons.

It is Monday. Again. Ugh.

Although, strangely, it's the last Monday in March. Wow, the time is both flying and sees to be dragging. I think it hasn't helped that I've been sick for the last two weeks. Stobrod says it's head flu and it's a million times worse than any cold he's ever had. He said when he had bronchitis in December, it wasn't as bad as this. Which is totally untrue, believe me as the spouse who had to put up with him.

Despite fighting that super nasty head cold the last week, I've been trying to put out more words on Tell. I wanted to have his book finished at the end of this month, because it's long overdue, but alas, I'm only 49k into it as of last night. Which means as far as my planning goes, I only have 16k left to write. Whether or not Tell and Sylvie let me get by with 16k is another story, but that's what I have planned. My intentions were to do Camp NaNo next month. Now if I write like hell (pardon the pun--Heckmasters, hell, har, har), I should have it finished before mid-April. I just jinxed myself by writing that, so it won't happen. The road to Hell is paved with good intentions. Sigh. I wish I should get myself together and not only finish Tell, but Right Heart, Wrong Groom. It would do me no end of good to have them both finished by the end of April. Its. Not. Going. To. Happen, but it seems like a lovely idea.

I'm not in the mood to write on two at once as I've done in the past. Somewhere along the way, my motivation has broken and it's all I can do to get a thousand words a day on the page. I'm proud (or maybe more relieved) that I've finally reached 49k on Tell when months ago it seemed like I'd never get this far. The finish line is so close.

I hate the idea of closing the books (ha! More puns! Puns everywhere!) on the Heckmaster brothers. It stings, really. They're good people. I think that's some of the reason Tell has been so difficult to write. I have other ideas for paranormal historicals, I do, and I dearly love working with my editor at Samhain, so hopefully I'll have something else to offer them in the coming years. But saying goodbye to my Heckmasters kind of sucks.

Things that don't suck about the Heckmasters is that Eban is coming out next week! Yes, just one week and one day and Eban will be with us. I gave my mom a copy of the paperback and yesterday I picked it up. There's a little thrill that runs through me when I see one of my books. At the same time, there's a horrible sense of dread because it's so awesome, but what if I open it and see a mistake? I can read a line or two, but then I have to put it down again. I want people to read them, but what is someone reads it and hates it? The demons that torment the heroes in the books are definitely riding me.

You can't please everyone, this is a universal fact. But it doesn't make it any easier. Another part of my fear of finishing Tell is that what if it's not as good as Wystan and Eban? Wystan was the opener, the book to introduce you to the strange world I created. Eban got so dark in some parts, I couldn't tell if I was writing paranormal romance or horror. And I'm worried Tell might just be a total flop. My editor won't let this happen. She'll point out where I need to fix the book to make is strong and amazing and perfect.

Why can't my brain accept this and just get it done?

So pretty.
I'm a sad little author with serious doubts. In truth, I'm no different than hundreds of other authors who are worried about their careers right now. Today, I'm going to pat myself on the back and try to make 50k. I'm going to stop worrying about what will happen with Tell in the future, My editor loves the Heckmasters and she's beautiful and brilliant and totally right that they're awesome. So at least I know one other person loves them as hard as I do. I'm going to write the final Heckmaster novel for me and for her. I'm going to finish this book, even if it takes me another year (it won't), but I am going to finish it.

You could make me feel better by pre-ordering Eban. It'll hit your ereader on April 7.  Or you can just add it to your Goodreads list, which also makes me feel better.

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